On Freedom And Restraint

True freedom requires restraint. Sound like a paradox? Read on...

There’s this American view of freedom that goes like, “I can do whatever I want!”

But without restraint, we’re slave to our senses...yummy food, nice touch, sweet smells, pleasant sounds, pretty sights...and the kicker, that ‘ole sixth Buddhist sense, the monkey mind — what we want and don’t want!

For an angry child, freedom and getting what one wants are synonymous. But the thirst is never quinched. There’s a word Buddha uses to describe this, “tanha”, insatiable thirst. Trust me, I’ve tried to satiate it really hard, and it only makes it worse 🤪

The magic is in finding freedom from the wants of the senses to make space for the desires of the soul.

And the secret in doing this is not forcing restraint, for that just becomes control, another expression of the ego wanting and not wanting, the real source of all suffering.

We don’t want to cut out sense pleasures, entirely…we’re human afterall! The key is enjoying them mindfully. There’s a common mistake around mindfulness, equating it with complete abstinence. Not so! That would generally be awareness + judgment. Mindfulness, however, is awareness + compassion ← consider having the piece of cake, imagine how good the cake tastes, realize how it might affect your body, and then have the damn cake and enjoy it if you still want! Aware of this whole picture the whole time. That’s all mindfulness is.

There is such a thing as wholesome desire, too, like a wholesome desire to wake up. But this isn’t fueled by self-criticism, trying to fix a “broken” self ← unwholesome.

The path to waking up is simple — practice non-harming (neither self nor other — sense restraint practice is key, here), meditate skillfully (not too forced, not too lax), and true freedom naturally arises.

Want support? Drop me a line, this is the path I walk and with my clients, interwoven with relational and somatic psychology to assist along the way.