Self-Hatred, What's That?

Ever beat yourself up about...literally anything? Not working out, eating unhealthy, not meditating, being late, crap sleep, a shit meeting, forgetting to buy eggs?

The first time the Dalai Lama heard the phrase, “self-hatred”, he had no idea what it meant.

It was 1990, Dharmasala, India. A group of Western psychologists and meditation teachers held audience with His Holiness. They were talking about how to teach meditation in the west and how traditional instructions might need to be...mmm adapted...for our unique selves 🤪

Sharon Salzberg asked, ‘What do you think about self-hatred?’

“Looking startled, the Dalai Lama turned to his translator and asked pointedly in Tibetan again and again for an explanation. Finally, turning back to [Sharon], the Dalai Lama tilted his head, his eyes narrowed in confusion. ‘Self-hatred?’ he repeated in English. ‘What is that?’”

🤯

See, most of us who grow up in the west, we’re taught from birth to judge. To judge ourselves. To judge others. It’s literally written into the story of the Garden of Eden. Hell, it’s probably in our DNA at this point!

So, first step, don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up 🙃 <- won’t get you anywhere good (tried it, makes it worse)

Second step, practice allowing the judgment. Yep, you read that right. Might sound scary. But trust me. This is a radical act of self-love. “Ahh, judging...that’s okay, not the end of the world.” Say it to yourself in a nice voice, like a sweet grandparent or teacher might have talked to you as a kid. Meet yourself where you are. You’re not the Dalai Lama. And that’s okay. Also, you’re probably a lot better at getting shit done than he is. So maybe you can appreciate that part of yourself too!

Get the idea?

When we allow ourselves to be broken, we give ourselves the freedom to grow. That fear of getting stuck in the “bad” habit if you do this? That’s actually the fear talking, its insidious way of 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 you stuck 💡. Fun fact, the “bad” habit is actually the way your subconscious (the little 5 year old inside) best knows how to cope. Would you kick a puppy? So don’t kick yourself! We only grow from a motivation rooted in self-love, not self-hate (a.k.a. self- judgment/criticism).

What you might think of as positive change from a place of self-hate actually does harm. In 2008, Leasure & Jones showed that forced running in rats raises stress and impairs cognitive markers more than even stagnant rats, while rats that choose when to run show reduced stress and improved cognitive function.

So try it out. What can you practice allowing?