Solo Con Amor, Part II

On Friday morning Maestra decided to serve Huachuma. Feeling complete after Wednesday’s ceremony, I took the journey super lightly — I put on my bright blue shorts and orange Juiceland t-shirt. I had a big bowl of oatmeal and banana just before. I drank some mint tea. I barely made it to the maloca on time.

She and her brother drank Ayahuasca to connect with and guide the spirits. I received my medicine and bopped along joyfully for the first hour of ceremony.

I got up to use the bathroom, and something interesting happened — for the first time, I began to experience my body as a living, breathing organism…seperate from this thing I call “the mind”. Like the plants, or maybe closer to fungi…faster fungi, or a slug…maybe a bit like a slow reptile. I could feel the subtle movements, intelligence inside…happening, without any influence from this “mind”. In most ways much more intelligent, comprehensive, present than this “mind”.

“Cool!” I thought as I walked out…I began to zig-zag between the trees on the way to the maloca, beginning to dance about…when a sunray warmed the back of my head. Slowly, I turned, bathing the sides of my neck in the light…then my face. A bird soared overhead — I opened my arms to fly with it.

The trickle of the nearby stream beckoned my body. Once my feet found themselves in its cool water, the light illuminating the chest up, “truce,” I whispered softly to the sun above, “I’m not afraid of you anymore.”

And just like that, I let him back in. I lived blinded, consumed by fire for so long, I’d casted his intensity out a decade ago, not knowing how to balance the heat. Now I understood.

Once back in the maloca, Maestra called me up for my icaro.

At first my eyes were closed, but then I felt curious…peeking them open, the light was literally blinding. They instinctively shut tightly. Remembering my commitment to choose the light, I opened them again. I struggled, and with effort, they remained uncovered. Almost instantly they filled with tears as I allowed myself to take in all the light surrounding Maestra, accentuated by the rays streaming in behind her, refracted by the clear crystal hanging from her neck.

The icaro intensified, and my entire body seized — fingers locked like bird claws, ice cold. I couldn’t move. Without interrupting her song, Maestra’s hands reached out and grabbed mine. Pulled them towards her. Bathed them in agua florida. They instantly warmed. Subtle movement became possible. Tuning into her upbeat song, my body began to vibrate. At first internally, then externally…it shook, softly, and as it thawed, more rapidly, eventually joyfully.

“Concéntrate, Andy”, Maestra interrupted the party in my mind.

I closed the eyes and instantly found stillness.

Brilliant light.

The paralysis lifted.

A few minutes later the icaro ended abruptly.

“Beinvenido abuelito Huachuma!,” she chuckled as she looked me in the eyes — “Welcome grandfather Huachuma!”

I laughed and shuffled over to her younger brother’s cushion to receive my last icaro…

I host an annual Fall medicine retreat at this center. I offer (cultural) translation; individual plus group support, coaching, and exercises during and outside of ceremony; as well as daily guided yoga and meditation.

If you’re new to this world and curious, not interested in coming on this retreat (which is completely fine), please don’t just go drink Ayahuasca / with anyone. There can be serious consequences.

Part III is quite personal, and I’ve decided not to publish it publicly. Feel free to email me if you’re interested in reading, and I’ll feel into sharing it individually.